Tough Talk With Tommy

Ben and I sat Tommy down last night and talked with him and told him for the first time that he has autism. Although I was very apprehensive about the whole thing, it actually went pretty well. We all managed to avoid any kind of emotional breakdown and although he was not completely paying attention to the conversation (he continually brought up unrelated subjects, as is his little Tommy way), you have to start somewhere and I think we did well. We really focused on the strengths that Autism brings him (like his amazing reading ability, math skills and memory) and touched a little on the challenges it also brings. We stressed that although some things may require more work for him to accomplish (peer relations, "normal" conversations, etc.) he can absolutely do it. We also let him know that having autism only makes up a part of who he is, it is not who he is. Ben did a pretty good job and although the man drives me crazy, he is a good dad and that's the most important thing - I would much rather have him as a good father and crappy husband/ex-husband than the other way around. We also talked with Syrena because she frequently complains that Tommy gets more attention and gets punished less. We let her know that we love them equally, but yes, Tommy does take more effort and attention and that is part of his make-up. Ben mentioned to both of the kids not to discuss it with people outside of the family for now - a good idea I think (I don't want the kids at school or others to misinterpret the info and turn it into something negative for him), but I am worried that if it's a family secret it may also taint it in their minds. I was amazed because when the whole thing was said and done, Ben actually gave me a hug and said I did a good job. I really wish we could have a good relationship with one another, and perhaps we are finally on the road to establish one. I still often feel like I am pitted against him and that he still tries to tell me what to do. When I think about it, I guess that would be my own damn fault that I feel that way and I need to do some thinking on how not to feel like that.

Anyway.... also wanted to mention that on Wednesday Eric and I took the kids to the Rodeo down at the ESA (Energy Solutions Arena) and they both had a great time. Syrena didn't want to go at first, but I told her she has to come to this one but if she doesn't like it, I won't ever make her go to another one again. She loved it of course since she currently has a horse fetish like her momma. Tommy has always loved the bull riding and was especially ecstatic when that event began. We saw "Detective Booth" from the TV show "Bones" on Fox there... it was cool, I love that show. Of course I didn't have the guts to ask him for an autograph or anything and since our camera is currently on the fritz (some clumsy person dropped it on the super dusty trail to Dog Lake...), we didn't get a picture of him. This weekend we are looking forward to fireworks at Eric's mom's house again (sure to include the famous crackle whips that Tommy is in love with), another freakin' Manti trip (just a day trip on Saturday to set up a poor man's automatic sprinkler system), and a barbecue at my dad's on Sunday!